Dating After Divorce

By Mark Brown/Converged Citizen Staff Reporter

As the afterglow of Valentine’s Day begins to fade, members of a divorce support group heard advice from relationship coaches.

Half a dozen women gathered in a community room at Sobey’s Community Room in St. Clair Beach February 17 to hear the dos and don’ts about relationships at a meeting sponsored by Divorced Divas, a support group for women affected by divorce. Kaysandra Curtis, president and founder of the group, said the purpose of the event was to give encouragement to divorced women who are considering dating again, and the tools to help them get the process started.

“It’s so important to create a data dating profile,” said Curtis, a divorcee who owns Curtis Coaching and Mediation in Windsor, which handles divorce and relationship coaching. “If you don’t know the kind of man you’re looking for, you’re not going to get him.”

While Curtis understands that women are looking for men who describe themselves as fit or good looking, she says single women need to look deeper.

“Does he have integrity? Is he trustworthy? Is he attentive? Is he affectionate?” said Curtis. “When you’re looking for a life partner, you can’t just go by looks.”

Curtis said it’s also important for women to look for red flags when they start a new relationship, such as men who are disrespectful, constantly late, reluctant to meet their family or break plans with them when a better offer comes along.

Relationship coach Jacques Berge spoke to the group and discussed communication. He said body language is important for couples.

“Eye contact, body gestures, small physical touches, just being respectful to other people’s boundaries,” said Berge. “That’s the easy part of communication.”

Berge said he also believes relationships are driven by two primary emotions.

“There’s love and fear,” said Berge. “When you’re dealing in fear, there’s comfort, control and confusion. When you’re dealing in love, there’s trust, acknowledgment and action. If you’re in the world of love, that means there’s trust and acknowledgment. That means you have the full ability to express what it is, the way you feel, what you want and that’s what really, I think, allows for long-lasting and gifted relationships.”

Curtis said that of course, not all relationships are that way. She pointed out that about half of all marriages end in divorce. She said mission is to ensure that such a negative event is handled as positively as possible.

“I coach people going through divorce, both men and women, so they have a divorce that is more like an uncoupling, or untying the knot rather than becoming adversarial,” said Curtis, who also pointed out that money, not infidelity, is the top reason couples split up.

Divorced Divas meetings are roughly held each month. For further information, call 1-855-600-2267 or email [email protected].