“Best” Picture

While I have no love for the Academy Awards, I accept that it’s cinema’s biggest night and therefore feel obliged to watch all nine of the year’s Best Picture nominees. It’s just unfortunate only two of them deserve the mantle.

Lincoln isn’t one, despite leading the pack with 12 nominations.  While exceptionally well-acted and directed, it’s also painfully dry. The majority of the film consists of Lincoln giving speeches, telling stories, sitting with colleagues, discussing amendments and war strategies. The other majority consists of people in the senate chamber basically doing the same thing. All of which performed through pandering dialogue that undermines the film, leaving you greatly underwhelmed.

It’s not Argo, either. It’s good, but not great. While Ben Affleck is three-for-three in the director’s chair, he has yet to develop any creative stamp, as there’s nothing in his latest that shows it was directed by him. And one disconcerting aspect was the portrayal of the Iranian people. They’re looked at as overly hostile and it never feels genuine.

Django Unchained had the potential to be great, but it ends up being plagued by Tarantino’s inherent style by writing heavily redundant, “witty” dialogue that makes the film go for at least 20 minutes too long.  It has an awkwardly paced first act and a misfiring finale. Despite a solid middle, you’re left with something uneven and messy.

Les Miserables is a wildly inconsistent musical. Russell Crowe’s performance is far from the only problem. Tom Hooper makes several poor directing decisions, drawing out musical numbers that detract from the experience quickly and easily. It has its moments, particularly Anne Hathaway’s rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream”, but these moments are extremely scarce.

While one of the better films nominated, Ang Lee’s Life of Pi is straightforward with some wonky pacing and surprising hollowness.  But it also sports a great sense of wonder and imagination, backed by incredible visual effects and effective use of 3D cameras. For it to not receive kudos on that front would be an injustice.

While not the worst film, Amour is certainly the most disappointing. The chemistry between the two lead actors carry the film for the first hour, but it mainly falls apart during the second half. Athough some scenes needlessly linger and others add absolutely nothing to the couples’ plight, it was a solid film until its immensely frustrating conclusion.

Dead last would be Silver Linings Playbook, a film so bad it was nearly offensive. Its attempt at being a screwball comedy is downright shameful. Here we are dealing with troubling characters under some terrible circumstances and with such abrupt and severe tonal shifts, the scenes that try to be quirky and funny are just strange and disturbing. And it doesn’t help that the final half-hour consists of a “happy ending fix all” formula that feels like straight cop out.

Beasts of the Southern Wild is arguably hollow, a bit similar to Life of Pi. But it makes up for it by examining the Louisiana bayou with genuine adventure and mystery. Ben Zeitlin deserves a directing nomination for this reason, and for invoking memorable performances from a cast with no acting experience. There are very few films quite like it, which makes the experience pretty special. It earned its keep.

Which leaves Zero Dark Thirty, the year’s cream of the crop. This is the one film that was expertly crafted from top to bottom with mighty fine pacing, razor sharp direction and a commanding lead performance. It tries and succeeds in providing the most objective depiction of the hunt for Bin Laden. A shining example of what films based off true events should be. But it won’t win, all due to the overblown torture controversy that continues to minimalize its chances.

So I can’t help but feel a genuine dissatisfaction. To call this the best picture category would be a mockery towards a ceremony that has arguably become a mockery. Come Feb. 24, we’re likely going to get a winner that will be forgotten within a few months, just like the last few winners that came before.