Happy marriages 50 years and beyond

According to Statistics Canada 40 per cent of marriages end in divorce.   

 However dismal it appears, there is hope for making it in the long haul.   Many couples across the globe are lasting happily ever after into their golden years and beyond.  And, according to those whose marriages last multiple decades, there are keys to having a fulfilled union well into your latter years. 

Mary Lou Ferrato and her husband Rick  are from Windsor and have been married for nearly 50 years.  Ferrato is retired from BMO and Rick is retired from Union Gas – both are 69. 

“We make time for date nights a couple of times a month,” said Ferrato.  “We love to dance and spend time with our friends and family.”  

The Ferratos stress the importance of building a good friendship in the beginning and continuing to work on it over the years.   

“We do give each other space for our own interests but as we get older find ourselves leaning on each   other more and more,” said Rick.  “Becoming one isn’t just something that happens in one night. It  happens over time.”    

The couple said they are no strangers to hard times. They nearly lost one son to brain cancer and leaned heavily on one another to get through it. They agree that the hard times brought them closer together. Both also agree that in a relationship there is give and take. No one is right all the time. 

“We go on adventures together, whether taking off for the weekend to Stratford or traveling overseas,” said Rick.  “There’s no one I’d rather spend my time with than my wife. I love sitting  quietly with her in the same house and seeing the world with her, she’s the one I want to be with.”  

Ron Miller and his wife Bev, from Kingston, will be celebrating 65 years together this summer. Ron is a retired RCMP officer and Bev is a retired travel agent.

“Asking for forgiveness and not going to bed angry are two keys to remember,” said Ron Miller. “Becoming one isn’t just something that happens in one night, it happens over the years as you go through life’s journey together.  Have date nights, enjoy your kids, pray together, make time for your friends.”  

Bev, 80,  said it is important to talk about everything. Communication is the cornerstone of marriage and spouses should be honest and share everything. 

“Shared interests keep the spark alive,” said Bev. “We’ve always enjoyed traveling together, watching sports together and ‘ministering’ to others together. We are part of a group called ‘Sowers’ – Servants on Wheels, Ever Ready.   We travel around North America and step in to help where  we’re asked to.” 

The Millers also stress the importance of establishing a good solid friendship before marriage, which they say will go a long way to help get through the challenges couples might face. 

The Australian divorce rate is now at 39 per cent. Like Canada, many couples are celebrating milestone wedding anniversaries. Ian and Rosanna Barton of Adelaide, Australia, are about to celebrate their Golden Anniversary. Although much of what they said agrees with the other couples they offer another perspective.

“Planning ahead and budgeting is paramount,” said Ian Barton ,69, a retired electrical fitter.  “Many young couples won’t wait and save for what they want. Then they wind up in too much debt and when unexpected things come up it drives a wedge between them due to stress.”  

Barton said they have managed on little and managed on plenty but always kept the lines of communication open when planning a budget and make adjustments. 

“When the kids were little, I stayed home and although we didn’t have a lot, we made many good memories,” said Rosanna.  

Just as all the other couples have said, both the Bartons agree that establishing a strong friendship while courting was the most important thing they did.    

“Rosanna is my best friend,” said Ian.   

“And Ian is my best friend, “said Rosanna.   

The divorce rate in the U.S. is estimated to be about 45 per cent and experts say it is at its lowest in many years. 

Roy and Nancy Ralph of Missouri have celebrated 56 years together. Nancy is a homemaker, while Ralph taught school and retired as a principal.  

“I don’t ever want to use the word divorce,” said Ralph. “We’ll do whatever it takes to work our issues out. We won’t say anything to put each other down or cause intimidation when we’re having a   disagreement and there’s always give and take,one person isn’t always right.”    

Roy and Nancy say they use advice in the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman to learn the different ways to make each other feel special.  Including affection, verbal affirmation, gifts,  quality time, doing things for each other and showing how valuable your partner is, it keeps the spark alive. Nancy said they like to spoil each other.  

“We’re not just in a contract, we’re in a covenant,” said Nancy. “A covenant cannot be broken.”    

The Ralphs also are what some may call old-fashioned when it came to sex before marriage. Ralph said he is glad he and Nancy waited for intimacy until their wedding night, as it established a  trust for faithfulness between the two of them.

“We focused on developing a friendship foundation while we were courting so we really knew each other before we married,” said Ralph. 

The Ralphs advise couples to take a cooling-off period when things get heated, then get back with each other to talk it out.    

What the divorce rate will be after the courts open following the COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns remains to be seen.  Family lawyers across the country are seeing an increase in the number of couples requesting a divorce. Both shaky and stable marriages are calling it quits. According to research from The Association for Psychological Science, those couples who maintain supportive communication are more likely to make it through and feel more connected after stressful times.