Single the new black

A married man said being single is an opportunity to build character and independence.

Michael Cobb, 39, is an English professor at the University of Toronto. He wrote a book “Single: Arguments for the uncoupled.” Cobb said people view being in a relationship as the most important of goal but this causes couples to fail because people make their world about the other person.
“…you’re shrinking your world and your existence in the hope it’s going to cure everything. It creates a lot of distress and at the same time it’s invalidating your other experiences you had when you were by yourself…,” said Cobb.

Kevin Adams, 27, has been married for two and half years. He said young people want to be in a relationship because it has status, builds confidence and self-esteem, but also said there is nothing wrong with being single or being in a relationship. It all depends on the individual and how they view relationships. Adams said when he was single he was able meet personal goals. He earned a degree in child and youth work, bought a car and a house and began his career. He said being single helped him focus on meeting his personal goals.

“I didn’t have to focus on anyone else’s needs or wants. You feel a sense of freedom while being single and you are not accountable to anyone,” said Adams.

Adams said people may look at single life as a negative thing because of insecurities.
“Men deal with singleness as a competition to get girls while females struggle with it in regards to appearance,” he said.
Adams said the main reasons why singles want to be in a relationship are because they want to be loved, they want acceptance, they want to settle down and they want to have sex.

Adams said he knew he was ready to be in a relationship when he was able to love himself.

“If you can’t love yourself you can’t love your partner. So ultimately you’re ready when you make up in your mind that you’re ready to learn,” he said.

According to SinglesHelp.org the advantages of being single are freedom and independence, you have control over how your time is spent, control over your money, do not have to tolerate anyone’s annoying habits and do not have to deal with someone else’s emotions and self-awareness.

Adams said there are things he could do while he was single he can no longer do while being married. He said he cannot be by himself, come home whenever he feels like it and spend money however he wants. He said he would not change getting married but he may have selected differently.

He said in order for singles to determine their readiness for a relationship they should have an understanding of themselves, should be selfless, learn from other relationship, have a positive outlook and go on dates.

“Maturity is the main thing. People are different and it takes a mature person to understand the diversities of individuals and not expect a person to be the way you want them to be,” said Adams.

Statistics Canada reported in 2011 there were over 10,071,335 singles and 12,941,960 were married couples. The censuses show 7,816,050 of those singles were not living common law.

Sara Ferede , 21, said she is single by choice because does not feel she is ready to be in a committed relationship. She said she needs to be able to support herself financially and does not want to depend on anyone.

“I still have to work and I am not comfortable with where I am yet. I want to see if there is a future with us. I’m not going to date you because you’re cute now. Why waste your time,” said Ferede.

Ferede said nowadays people seem to date just to date. She said there doesn’t seem to be intent behind it and is shocked because young people are dating at a younger age.

“I feel like things are progressing much faster and everyone is becoming wilder. Commitment is a very big thing,” she said.

Branden Turner, 15, is single and said he is ready to be in a relationship. He said when you’re single you’re not tied to any one so you have freedom to do whatever you want.

“You can pretty much talk to, date, or flirt with who you want without breaking any moral rules,” said Turner.

He said he wants to be in a relationship because it feels good to have a person you can share your love with. He said knowing that person will share affection and time and accept you for who you are. Turner said he knows what kind of girl he wants and he is getting ready for her.

“It’s not so much of me liking being single but more so waiting until I’m ready for a relationship,” said Turner.

He said he is preparing himself for a relationship by making sure he knows who he is, identifying what his needs are, what he wants to do with his life and what he wants out of a relationship.